Personal Blog: All I Want For Christmas Is You Song's Effect On Me

Hello Peeps, I know it’s been a while I have been looking after a dog called Boo, a cat named Pasta, two rats and three fish for some of my family whilst house sitting so I’ve been quite busy (still got another 2 & ½ weeks to go). Anyway being away from blogging for so long has made me realise I was spending hours a day either promoting, reading or writing blogs which along with gaming with mates and working at a computer meant 90% of my awake hours were spent at a computer of some sort. So basically I’ve figured out what my ‘End of the World’ resolution is (or at least New Year’s resolution), it is to spend less time on the computer and more time with people (something I have come to miss over the last week or so where I am in a house alone whereas I’m used to being in a house with people in most of the time). That actually came as a surprise to me as I do like to have my own space (probably more so than most), it may be where I have responsibilities meaning I’m not free to come and go as I please to see friends/ family etc. I also had my Christmas party this week which is something I have dreaded for the last few years or so
due to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You song being played the majority of times. The song for me is related to someone I fell for many years ago who made me happy and gave me a lot more belief in my social abilities than I had previously. Sadly by the time I realised how strong my feelings were for her she had found herself a boyfriend which hurt more than anything I have ever experienced in my life and the parting of our ways led to a parting of me and a lot of my belief in my social abilities. The song reminds me a little of the pain of losing someone from my life who I cared about deeply and also of a lot of social and relationship mess ups I’ve created in my past. As you can probably tell the song doesn’t put me in the best of moods, it makes me feel angry out of frustration at myself for not being able to create normal relationships with people i.e. ones that people will stick around for and sad because it makes me feel alone. A couple of years ago the Christmas party was also a colleague’s leaving do who I once again had allowed myself to care about that little too much. Being slightly under the influence I almost ignored the fact she had a boyfriend and nearly tried it on with her, luckily in a sense ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ started playing dragging me into anger/frustration and sadness which was added to by the fact that I would’ve ruined our friendship if I had tried it on with her, I am normally very good with controlling my emotions but I think where I had been drinking and had almost upset someone I cared about I struggled like mad and had to leave the party and nearly got into a fight with two men (partially to do with the fact I was looking like I wanted a fight). Needless to say the next year when I liked someone else who was going to the Christmas party with a guy who I thought she had chemistry with during the year I decided it best not to go (yeah they’re together now).  This year however I decided to go on the agreement I wouldn’t drink or if I did it would only be one or two max, and as I had got rid of a lot of the feelings for the woman I liked the previous year it shouldn’t have been a problem. When the All I Want For Christmas Is You song started playing it had little effect on me, I could feel the adrenaline rush, goose bumps and felt a little down but nowhere near as bad as what had happened previously. I got back to the house I was staying at feeling a little low and it wasn’t until a little later on that I realised the reason why... For the first time in years I’ve felt the need to actively look for a Mrs (by Mrs I mean someone to have a long term relationship with; not necessarily to get married to within a year). Don’t get me wrong I adored the women I had liked previously and in some ways still do, what I mean is if I had met them now I would make more of an effort with them. Luckily as secret santa gifts I have received a foreign chat up lines book and a condom for the good travelling times, and a foreign insults book to understand some of the replies along with some bandages in case it turns really sour (we all know what my epic fails are like, I’d probably mispronounce some of the words so it translates into something like ‘you have the beauty of a goat goddess’. In conclusion to the above I have realised I need to open myself up to the world in order for the world to open up to me which is why I need to spend more time with people.

Right that’s all for now, I know the post isn’t my usual style of writing or content but I needed to get it out of my system and Boo looks at me every time I speak to her as into say did you say food? Which leads to disappointment on both our parts. To make up for missed time I shall be doing a news article blog sometime soon (within the next few days possibly even later on).

Much Love

The Weird Guy